there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
