this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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