i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
