We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
