Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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