Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
