You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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