Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
