I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
