please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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