Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
smell my finger.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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