I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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