; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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