Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
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I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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