Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
