I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
