I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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