Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
