i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
