Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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