I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
