You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
