You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
