After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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