I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
