I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
there is glitter all over my balls
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
