peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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