i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
