I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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