i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
