Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
