Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im having a threesome with these popsicles
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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