Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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