totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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