okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
