Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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