I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
