party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
