can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Screwed.edu
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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