We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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