just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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