there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
