did you get engaged???
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
