She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Operation Purity has been aborted
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
