All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
