my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
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Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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