This is not my ceiling
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
