I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
