4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
