Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
