my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We don't watch enough power rangers
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
