do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
