please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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