People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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