she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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