If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
