He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
