This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
