I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
