help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
