you guys were way drunker than both of me
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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