If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my shit smells like andre
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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