turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
