a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
