You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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