I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
