Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
