those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
