So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
